The fear of failure and the fear of success are like bookends which contain the books and subsequent chapters of your life. They establish what you will allow for yourself and what you won't allow.
On one hand, fear of failure sets the parameters for what you are willing to do and/or accept in any given situation. Let's take fitness as an example.
You have a standard for what physical shape is OK for you to be in. Less than that standard would be a failure in your eyes. If you approach that minimum, fear of failure kicks in to push you to do something about it. In this scenario the fear is here to motivate you to action.
Fear of failure can also work in the reverse, in a way that prevents you from taking action. Taking fitness again, there's an ideal you've held for some time. Try as you may that ideal has eluded you. Your efforts have resulted in disappointment after disappointment. In the times you did achieve your goal it didn't last and that hurt. You really worked at reaching this goal and here you are back at square one again.
When strong references for hurt or disappointment are in play, fear of failure steps in to say: "Don't even try. Avoid the hassle of the process and the pain of back-sliding in the end. Besides, if you don't try you can't fail."
Consequences
In the first scenario you're driven by pain. You train yourself to use pain as the fuel for forward progress. Because it works, you ultimately condition a lifetime of the pain-progress cycle.
In the second example you begrudgingly accept the way things are and perpetuate them (or make them worse). You fail to make the changes you could make to allow you to have what you really want. The pain around not achieving your desire is still with you, even if only subtly.
Fear of success establishes the top end threshold for acceptable achievement.
By creating a ceiling it protects you from getting into something over your head. It keeps you from having to live up to higher expectations that might be OK once in awhile but not all the time. It limits your vulnerability and exposure in a new situation. In essence it minimizes your risk.
Another typical function of this fear is to keep you from leaving behind people you care about. It could be family members, friends, a spouse or anyone you feel deserves success yet, in spite of all their efforts they've not achieved it. It comes down to an internal question that goes something like: "If they can't have it, why should I be able to?"
These fears are not intended to keep you from what you desire. They are put in place to protect you from any potential pain of either getting what you want or not getting what you want. Once truly embraced and understood these fears can literally be released, freeing you up to choose different actions.
Summary
The 3 ways fear of failure and fear of success set boundaries for your life:
1. Keep you within a confined range (comfort zone)
2. Use pain as leverage
3. Deny access to greater power and potential
What's the higher purpose of these fears?
1. Motivate
2. Protect
What if you could significantly expand your comfort zone?
(Answer these three questions for yourself):
1. Why is that worthwhile?
2. What would become possible?
3. Who will benefit? How?
Known for innovative techniques and dramatic results, Deborah has helped thousands achieve their goals and transform their lives. She is architect and lead trainer of the emMatrix System. Her company, Abundant Living Institute, is dedicated to accelerating success and enhancing quality of life for its global clientele.
Get her free audio "Deciphering the Emotional Code" here: http://tinyurl.com/yehjde7.
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